Subbing vs. Teaching

From Journal: September 29.2010
I'm a sub today. At one time I considered subbing to mean that I couldn't cut it as a real teacher. I thought it meant I was in limbo and was somehow inadequate as an educator. The substitutes I usually saw as a child were unstable and strange. I could even go so far as to say that some of them even smelled funny. Should I consider it a true test of my teaching ability-you know, showing just how versatile I can be?
Today is my first day back in the classroom since I left El Paso High last year, lingering at my classroom door like it was the final episode of Friends. What I find most interesting about my current substitute assignment is that it's ELL(English Language Learners).Ha!I left El Paso, where we complained about students not practicing speaking English enough, only to find myself subbing in an ELL classroom in Moline, IL. This only made me miss EL Paso even more than I already did. Is this a sign? Should I be an ELL teacher? Was I destined to be fluent en espanol (sorry no tilde)? Or are there simply more opportunities for me as a bilingual professional of any kind? "I'll take Bilingual Professional for $600 Alex."
Seemingly, there is much less stress associated with substitute teaching. When I teach, for example, I feel responsible for correcting issues of the past, directing the present, and preparing for the future. When I'm a sub, I simply need to survive that day. Once the final bell rings, the students' are someone else's past, present, and future. Who am I kidding? I wanna teach! What is it about walking into a classroom day after day that feels so rewarding? I can walk in proudly everyday, even after feeling defeated the day before. I return excited and ready for more. Hey America, you don't have to enlist in the Armed Forces to be a soldier! Teachers fight battles day after day-sometimes hour by hour, child by child, and skill by skill. Hoorah true educators! Hoorah!